I believe I can now put into words the reason for my frustration. The reason of a momentary spikes in the not so serene parts of the brain. The reason for rejuvenated nihilistic feelings.

It was moments after I got over the phone call with the airline operator. She told me, my tickets can be redeemed in the future free of cost. Acts of capitalistic kindness during a pandemic. Was nice. Good for their PR. Although, the fact that the trip back home, to meet you, isn’t happening had already settled in over the course of this grinding pandemic days, something changed after the phone call. She mentioned, although they are offering a free refund she doesn’t know what the situation will be in two months time. And that successfully created the storm of frustration that wrecked havoc for a while. I felt what if nothing else matters. What if I die in two weeks time. I was looking frantically for a target, to place blame. The Chinese autocracy. The American incompetence. The Indian ignorance. The European ego. All of them came Infront of my crosshair one after the other. And I machine gunned the hell out of them. I cannot possibly forgive anything or anyone that took away/postponed my week of lying in your arms, cooking food for you, talking over coffee and making stupid videos. I can almost feel your skin against mine, your lips against mine. And my heart aches. The ever optimist in me was really fighting hard against the terrible feeling of losing the moment, the time, the space. However, in the end, I think it emerged victorious. I realized, I love you so much, that I am gonna fast track the next 45 or 60 days, whatever it takes, for things to get back to normal. I am gonna count every day till the good people in the world emerge out of this pandemic. Till the borders are open again. Till we start appreciating the small things in life. Because, the virus or the global idiocy doesn’t stand a chance against life. Life finds a way. And our love does too. I’ll fast track these days with the the feeling of your body on mine as well lie down in a hug tight from dawn to dusk and beyond.